Rejection

Nobody likes rejection. Its really a terrible word if you think about it. What does it really mean? The official definition of rejection is “the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.”. Nobody likes to feel refused, or like they are being dismissed.

I know for me, this has been an issue since I was young. Rejection was not something that I handled well. It didn’t matter what it was, I didn’t handle it well. It could be a bad grade on a test… I would feel like that teacher was “rejecting” me. It could be an argument with a friend…and I would feel like I was being rejected by that friend. As I got older, it could be not passing the biggest test of my life the first time…. I felt rejected. It could be anything really. 
Last week, I felt some of the biggest rejection I have felt in a long time. I had a huge opportunity come before me, and really felt like God was in it 100%. He was going to make this happen for me and I was oh so excited. My husband was excited, everything was finally falling into place.

And then what happened?

That opportunity did not come through like we had thought it would. I felt REJECTED. Like I wasn’t good enough. Like I never had been good enough. Like I always failed at everything. Like I let down my family. It felt like I was spiraling down a path that was not good for me in any way. I kept asking Why? Why does this happen? Why do I get my hopes up to be crushed? Why do opportunities just come and go? Why did God let this happen? Why did He put this opportunity in my way when He knew that it wasn’t going to turn out the way that I had hoped and prayed it would? I began to really feel worthless.

I know, you may be thinking… Jeez lady, it was one situation…. don’t get so down on yourself. But, what you may or may not understand is that, things haven’t been all sunshine and rainbows for the past few months. There have been a lot of downfalls, and a lot of rejection. I was so ecstatic that something was going right… something good was going to become of all of this…. and then that was stripped away as well. I wondered why God was punishing me? Why couldn’t I have just one good thing?

And then I not so quickly realized, that there are a lot of I’s in there. A lot of Why me? Why this? Why that?.... When in all reality, I have no right to ask God why. He knew this plan was going to take place way before I did. He knew that I would get my hopes up, and then have them crushed. He knew that I would fail at many things in life. He knew that everything in my life would take place…way before I did.

So I have to stop asking him Why… and instead just accept this for what it is. Accept it as God showing me something that maybe I haven’t even figured out yet. Accept it as God making me even stronger in this storm. Praising him in the storm, is not something that has ever been easy for me, but maybe that is where he is trying to grow me.

Looking back, I can see how God is and was trying to use me in this situation. He is showing me to not stop relying on him. To always put Him first, and to know that even when I feel REJECTED, that he is there and has a great reason for it.

I feel pretty confident, that the devil was on my back with this. He was telling me I wasn’t good enough, he was telling me that I would never be good enough. He got my hopes so far up, that I really didn’t feel like I had any chance of being disappointed. He was telling me I would be better off to give up. He was telling me that my friends would reject me because of this. He was telling me that I would never be good enough for anyone. He was telling me I was a failure at life.

And…. I believed him. He took a hold of my mind and ran with it. He put me in a lowest of low. He knew I would cave into what he was telling me… and I did. I succeeded with everything the devil wanted to happen.

It has taken a good while for me to realize, that these things may not be totally true. I still have a hard time realizing that I am good enough. I still have a hard time realizing that my friends won’t think I am a complete failure. I still have a hard time with feeling rejected. But God is helping me to realize that I am His child, and that these thoughts that have been put in my head are not of him, but are of the devil. He is showing me day by day that I am not a failure…. So while I still feel rejected, and I still feel many of the things that I said above…. I know that if I keep God first and foremost, he can show me every day that those things not true.

So…. Long story short… the Devil…. He loves some rejection. He thrives on it. He wants us to be down in the dumps and at our lowest. He wants us to feel worthless. He wants us to give up. But God…. He wants us to know that even when we get rejected, because let’s face it, it WILL happen to everyone…. that we need to pull up our big girl panties, and rely totally on Him. Not trying to solve things on our own, or give up because things got “so good” in life… but to continue to know that He has our back, no matter what.