Nope.

Anybody else feel like this some days? Some days my body just combats against me and says.... "NOPE..... not today.... not doing it..... think again..... I'm staying right here....." 

I know some people may enjoy those kind of days. Lay around the house, chill out and not do much of anything..... sounds like a great lazy day! You can only pray that its raining that day as well. Nothing better than a rainy lazy day at home, just chilling. Right?? 

Wrong. 

These days are hard for me. Sure they are great every now and then, but I always feel guilty. When my body tells me to just stop and rest, I have a really hard time complying. I want to keep going and keep doing. I feel guilty because I don't want people to think I'm just being lazy. Every time I have a day like this, it never fails.... somebody always says well "you gotta get up and just get out, you can't just sit inside and sulk all day."

But I have to disagree. I think sometimes we need those NOPE days. I think sometimes, its our bodies way of saying... "Hey there..... I'm working real hard here, I really need a break before something bad happens." 

Like I said, the hardest part for me is feeling guilty for taking time to just rest. That is something that I need to work on for myself. The past couple of days, have been just NOPE days for me. Yesterday, I fought it. I went and did like I needed to do, and I came home exhausted. I slept more than 10 hours last night and still woke up exhausted. So, my NOPE day continued through until today. I had an appointment this morning, where I was reminded that I NEED to take this time. I need to rest. I need to eat well. I need to take care of my body, and listen to it. So, today...... I'm taking a NOPE day. 

In the old testament, God told Elijah when he was going through a terrible time, that he needed to eat, then rest, then eat some more, then rest. He just needed to take care of himself. The journey to him was too much.  God came to him and said, "let me carry you through this.... and in the mean time do what I tell you and, take care of your body." So that is what Elijah did, and he came out  of his situation on the other side because he listened to what was told to him. (This story can be found in 1 Kings 19. You can read more about it here)

So, long story short.... I hope you will take some time to have a NOPE day. Most of the time.... its needed. 

A new kind of normal

A very, very wise woman recently made this statement to me; "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your not going to go back to what you once thought was normal? Have you ever thought that maybe God is preparing you for a new kind of normal in your life?" 

That literally, rocked my world. I know that statement has been used in several different contexts, but I'm going to use it in this one because that's exactly what it did. You see, when I first went in to the meeting I was having with this sweet sweet woman, I was at my whits end. I was tired of fighting. I was tired of dealing with life. I was just tired in general. 

I was trying to fix everything. I was desperate to get things back to "normal". I was desperate for my life to get back to exactly the way that it was before my whole journey began. I wanted my life to go how I originally planned out.... and it wasn't. 

You see, my plan was.... graduate high school, go straight to nursing school, find an amazing guy, get married, find an awesome job that I would stay at forever, have a child by the time I was 25, and then just grow old with my perfect little family..... That was my grand plan! 

And I was so upset that my plan was NOT going accordingly! I graduated high school, went straight to nursing school, found an amazing guy, got married, found a job I love..... and then I felt like it was all being taken away. Here I was 26 years old, cant see much of anything, having to rely on my husband to pick out my clothes, make sure my shoes match, and that my hair looks halfway decent. I could no longer drive, or go anywhere alone. All things that I once was able to do by myself, I was no longer able too. 

I had enjoyed being able to be independent. And now, close to all of my independence had been taken away. I was 26 and I felt like my life was falling apart. I wanted a baby by now, and I wanted so many things for my family... and I felt like I was being punished. I felt that God was punishing me by taking all of these things away. 

But then this sweet lady said those words to me.... that maybe God was preparing me for a new kind of normal. I had never thought of it that way. I had always just felt like I was being punished, when instead.... I needed to be thinking about it the way she explained. I was being prepared to embrace my new kind of normal. 

So, instead of thinking and feeling like everything was being taken away and that I had been stripped of my independence, I started thinking of things as a new way of my normal life, and my outlook on things changed! And when my outlook changed.... it helped my entire state of mind, which in turn has helped my entire recovery.  

So, sure I may never get my vision back to what it was before. I may not be able to see colors the way I did before. I may forever need help picking out which clothes go with what. But....this has not ruined my life. this is simply my new way of normal. 

So long story short... (and trust me I know this has been a long one)...... When life throws you lemons.... make lemonade! I know I'm trying to make lemonade out of my particular situation.... so you try too!