Hummingbirds....

Hummingbirds have a very special meaning in my life. They always have, and they always will. You see, a very very special person in my life loved hummingbirds. She didn't just love hummingbirds, she loved all kinds of birds. She liked to sit in her dining room, smoking a cigarette, drinking a cup (or pot) of coffee, just watching the birds outside. She loved them. But she would get really excited when a hummingbird came around. Sure, she had tons of finches and some blue jays, but when a hummingbird came around it may her really happy and she made sure everyone in the room saw it. 

Cousin and I with Granny before a graduation ceremony

You see, my Granny was an amazing person. I can't even begin to describe to you the awesomeness that ensued her. She loved her family deeply. She loved everyone no matter what. She did everything for the people around her. Even if she didn't think she could get it done, she told them she would do it and she would ensue help to make sure it was done. Everyone loved her. She loved her church, she was there as much as she could, helping in whatever she could get her hands in. She recruited us grandgirls to help every year for her spaghetti dinner. She just kept going. She was like the energizer bunny, she kept going and going! And she always had a smile on her face. 

You see, when people met my Granny, they probably wouldn't know anything was wrong with her. Until you look at her hands. My Granny suffered greatly from Rheumatoid Arthritis. Just like all the people in her life loving her, the RA seemed to really love her as well and never really gave her a break. If

your not sure what RA is, I would encourage you to look it up, and maybe read more about it. It is an autoimmune disease that attacks your joints. My Granny suffered on a daily basis from finding the right foot orthotics so that she would walk, to dealing with some bad rheumatic ulcers that wouldn't seem to give her a break. Maybe it was just the pain from the disease, but she always kept a smile on her face and she always kept going. She never let people know how much pain she was really in. When people would ask how she was, she would always reply with "I'm alright". She suffered on a daily basis, but she always got up to watch her hummingbirds. Sh always got out of bed and got ready for her day. Whether her day included doctors' appointments, grocery stores, or just being at home for the day.... she always got up and she did and went. 

I took her with me down the aisle 

That is something that I remember on a daily basis. My Granny is my HERO. She always has been, and always will be. Granny was taken from this earth way too soon. I almost feel like I was cheated. Her death was quite unexpected, and was very hard on everyone. Losing such a fundamental part of not just our family, but of the entire community was extremely hard. People constantly would come and say "I'm so sorry...." but all I could think about was something that my cousin had told me...."shes no longer suffering, shes walking the streets with straight fingers and straight toes." That was a kick to the gut. Every time I started to wish, to wish so so bad that she was here with me, I had to remind myself that her time on this earth was done.  I was SO happy that she was no longer in pain, and she could finally wear whatever pair of shoes she wanted. But, I missed her. I missed her on this earth. What would we do without her? What would I do without her?

Granny was the glue to our family. Every family has that one person that holds everyone together, and my Granny was that person. She was the one who fixed the problems, and told you when you were in the wrong, and just held you and let you cry on her shoulder when your boyfriend broke your heart. She was an amazing person, She loved unconditionally. Even when one of us did something that she didn't like (like say... get a tattoo), she loved unconditionally. 

Gift my cousin recently gave me 

Every day that I feel like not getting out of bed, I remember my Granny... my hummingbird. She always got out of the bed, even when she was miserable. She always made the most of everyday. I hope you can as well.. Whenever you feel like giving up, throwing in the towel... think of someone you know that has gotten themselves through a dark time and come out on the other side of it. And if you don't know anybody, think of my Granny. 

The one thing I worry about is not holding up my end of the bargain. Not continuing her legacy the right way. Sure I may have been "gifted" this autoimmune disease, but my dream... and my life's mission.... is to make her proud. 


She IS my hero... I think of her daily.... I miss her daily..... I wish sometimes when I'm going through rough days she was here to talk too... But I know my granny is here with me. She helps me get through those tough times. My only hope, is that I can do her memory justice and just keep fighting. 

So when you see a hummingbird, I pray that you will think of my Granny as do I. That in itself, gives me a little more strength to get through the day.